Harboring offenses towards one’s parent(s), friend(s), ex-husband, boyfriend, engaged partner, or colleagues, just to name a few, is a negative way of life. Agreeably, they have wronged us either knowingly or unknowingly. Holding their error against them in our hearts is like drinking poison and expecting other people to die.

The definition of offenses is annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one’s standards or principles. This describes the behavior of millions of people these days.

It is not abnormal to say, people who remain offended are people who do not know their identity as forgiven children of God.

Jesus never promised us a trouble-free life, absent from hurt or insults. Instead, He encouraged a non-revengeful attitude towards the person who hurt us and guaranteed peace in Him.

John 16:33 says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

How to live free from offenses

The following steps are practical actions to guarantee an offense-free life.

A.     Pray and trust God to avenge and vindicate you

Acknowledging that offenses are inevitable if we live with people and recognizing that God is aware and knows how to reward/judge everyone who mistreats us is a substantial reason not to remain offended.

Scripture does not mention we will not be offended, but it discourages us from staying offended despite the gravity of the situation.  Eph 4:26 “Be angry but do not sin”

For example, in Luke 17:1-3, Jesus said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.

The good news is that; God has promised to avenge and punish the person who offended you, so staying offended is ignoring and disobeying God.

When I was offended at my ex, I was always bitter and could not pray. I grieved the Holy Spirit by continuously rehearsing the painful thoughts in my mind. I could not concentrate whenever I studied the Bible. Therefore, I realized it is impossible to serve God wholeheartedly with a heart full of offenses.

B. Choose not to offend others, too.

You will cut someone else who didn’t wound you until you heal. “My breath is offensive to my wife, And I am loathsome to my own brothers.” Job 19:17. Start by admitting you are offended and pray to God for a new heart is the first step.

Staying offended for a long time makes you bitter towards others and unappreciative of life. With time, it becomes a barrier to one’s relationship with God and him/herself.

I became bitter toward my ex, family, and friends when I was offended. Sadly, I blamed my ex and decided to isolate myself. As a result, I became contentious, argumentative, and defensive unnecessarily. However, when I discovered my relationship with God was broken, I quickly repented, prayed, apologized, and made conscious efforts to rebuild my relationships.

Since I removed the offenses from my heart, God has granted me unspeakable joy, peace, and mercy with other people. I haven’t forgotten the pain, but I have chosen not to allow it to control my emotions and life or cause me to mistreat others.

You can choose not to be angry and decide to ignore an offense committed against you.  Prov 19:11 stipulates, “A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression.”

Deliberately decide like Paul not to be offended despite your life’s hardships. “Giving no cause for offense in anything, so that the ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots…” 2 Corin 6: 3-10.

C. Accept Jesus as the sacrifice for your offenses

It is purposeless to remain offended when God predestined Jesus to die and bear all our offenses.

Rom 9:33. Just as it is written, “Behold, I lay in Zion a stone of stumbling and a rock of offense, and he who believes in him will not be disappointed. 

The only duty we have when offended is to believe in Jesus.

In other words, keeping offenses is being disobedient to the word of God according to 1Pet 2:8. And “a stone of stumbling and a rock of offense.”They stumble, being disobedient to the word, to which they also were appointed.

Going through life, it is impossible to predict all circumstances, but like Jesus, we need to purpose in our hearts not to remain offended consciously.

Therefore, decide daily to pray and act according to Rom 12:17-19 “Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.

If your heart is hurting, love is the only solution. Proverbs 10:12 “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.”

Also, institute self barriers not to offend others based on your pain, and lastly, believe in the work of the cross that Jesus became our sin and died for every situation we will ever experience.

Click here to read a list of Bible verses regarding bearing offenses.

To read more on other spiritual topics like joy, forgiveness, smiling, and patience, just to name a few, click here.